“There is no more lovely, friendly or charming relationship, communion or company, than that of a good marriage.”
Following up on last week’s post about marriage, I have some more thoughts.
Anna and I have learned a lot in our 21+ years of dating/marriage. Most of what we’ve learned has been the hard way. Still, I fail at something every single day but I’m trying to get better. I hope that what I’ve learned and am continuing to learn will help someone. I’m just a former loser, who’s learning, trying to show others how to win.
Make sure you’re on the same page.
You don’t have to be on the same line. Just make sure you’re both in the same book and same page.
Open communication is key.
You shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells around one another. Let your guard down. Listen, be humble, and teachable.
Be present. Just because you’re in the same space doesn’t mean you’re actually there.
This is the biggest area I get called on. I’m on some device, but I’m not “there” with Anna. I’m working on it.
It’s always the little things.
If the little things brought you together, it will be the little things that keep you together. Hold the door, pull out the chair, hold hands, leave love notes, remember gift ideas, be kind to siblings/family, etc.
Don’t push buttons / Fight fair.
You’ll learn what buttons to push to start/continue a fight. Don’t push them. Don’t drag up things that have been forgiven. Forgive and forget.
Do things as a couple.
You’re together for life, do life together. Both of you need things to do own your own but don’t just do those things.
Surprise one another.
This is taking into account your spouse like surprises. If they don’t, they may at least appreciate the thought. It doesn’t have to be a “big surprise.”
A sexless marriage can be frustrating.
Life gets busy. Sex for men is “typically” easy. Sex for women can be more work to make sure they’re in the right mindset. If you haven’t had sex in a while and notice that you’re a little more irritable, try having sex. Take sex out of the equation. Still irritable, dive deeper into the issue.
Make time for laughter.
Laughing together at a movie, book, situation, or one other brings you closer together.
Step out of your comfort zone.
In our pre-marital counseling, we learned that Anna and I are almost complete opposites. Time has mingled our personalities well. Anna the Introvert would have to step out to help me feed my extrovert-ness. I’d have to step out and be ok staying in and giving her space.
Marriage is a lifelong covenant. Make today better than yesterday. Adjust something today that you failed at yesterday. Don’t stay stagnant. You can do this. You can make your marriage great.