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Learn From a Loser How To Win At Marriage

Tag: marriage

Learn From a Loser How To Win At Marriage

Learn From a Former Loser How To Win At Marriage

“There is no more lovely, friendly or charming relationship, communion or company, than that of a good marriage.”
Martin Luther

Following up on last week’s post about marriage, I have some more thoughts.

Anna and I have learned a lot in our 21+ years of dating/marriage. Most of what we’ve learned has been the hard way. Still, I fail at something every single day but I’m trying to get better. I hope that what I’ve learned and am continuing to learn will help someone. I’m just a former loser, who’s learning, trying to show others how to win.


Make sure you’re on the same page.
You don’t have to be on the same line. Just make sure you’re both in the same book and same page.

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What I Wish Someone Had Told Me Before Marriage

I am so thankful for my marriage. Is it easy? No. Is it fun? Sometimes. Is it worth it? Absolutely!

As of this writing, Anna and I have been married for over 11 years. We dated for about 10 years before that. With all that time we’ve spent together, I would have thought we’d know each other better. Marriage is a journey. Marriage is a quest to know each other better.

Here a few things that I wish I had known before I got married. Maybe they’ll help you now and in the future.

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Journey | BobbyShirley.com

Journey or How to Make Your Life Awesome

Within this Christian vision of marriage, here’s what it means to fall in love. It is to look at another person and get a glimpse of what God is creating, and to say, “I see who God is making you, and it excites me! I want to be part of that. I want to partner with you and God in the journey you are taking to his throne. And when we get there, I will look at your magnificence and say, ‘I always knew you could be like this. I got glimpses of it on earth, but now look at you!”
Timothy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God

Today is the tenth anniversary of my marriage to Anna. Well, not actually today while I’m writing this, but when you read it.

Middle School Sweethearts

I first met Anna at band camp. I was pumped about band camp. We had just moved to a new town the year before. Anna played flute and I played drums, so there wasn’t much interaction at first. But, there she was: sandy-blonde hair, braces, and natural beauty. And there I was: brown hair, knobby knees, and 8th-grade awkwardness. But to make a long story short, we eventually started dating.

High School Sweethearts

We dated throughout high school. Our relationship was fraught with the occasional breakups over nothing, jealousy, and sappy high school love. We dated “undercover” for awhile meaning if anyone asked if we were together, the standard answer was “We’re just friends.” But, eventually that wore off and we came clean with our relationship.

Sweethearts

Our relationship continued after I graduated high school. It was hard to stay together after we weren’t together every day. But we managed. Anna graduated the year after me. She came to school at the same place I as attending. Shortly, after she started school, we broke up. I was devastated yet continued to show her love. Not in the super creepy way but in the “waiting for her” kind of way. It was quite a while and a lot of learning on my part before we got back together.

Serious Relationship

We eventually moved to Hamilton to be a part of the Ramp. We dated the whole time we were both there. We eventually moved back to our hometown. Shortly, thereafter we got engaged.

Marriage

We got married in August of  2005. I would have thought that knowing each other as long as we did our first couple of years of marriage would’ve been awesome, but they were rough. We were able to work through our issues because we gave ourselves no other options. I eventually learned that over-communication was the recipe to help keep our relationship healthy.

Since 2010, we’ve had 3 children and one is coming in September of 2015.  This journey has been full of ups and downs. More “ups” I’d say. There’s no one else on earth that I’d rather spend the journey called life with than Anna.

Here’s to many, many more years!

Known

“To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.”
― Timothy Keller
The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God

Today is Anna’s birthday! What a great day! She is the absolute life of my life. She has been with me for more of my life than we’ve been apart. I can truly say that at this point in our journey she knows me better than any other. She’s been with through more “life” and has chosen to stay with me. Ups/Downs, Ins/Outs. She is my blessing from God.

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